{On a ledge somewhere between my sanity and what could very well be my insanity}
Wow, what a view... You look back at what you have done and it is such a trip to see where you have gone, what you have learned, and better yet seen.
You wonder "what if" a lot, even if your direction is not so bad.
You look at yourself in the mirror more than before and see a different person on the outside and inside. She's now a little bit more harsh in her demeanor, a little more cynical, a little more mouthy. Stress is written all over her face and is wearing on her body. Man, where did this person come from?
You know you beat yourself up to try and do better for you. Trying to improve your wisdom with books or computer programs Trying to get yourself out of bed early to sculpt your body back to a similar but younger version of you. But as always you begin these things and very soon after get bored and let them redress themselves with cobwebs.
I so want to provoke that inner me. Ya know pass her the weapon that will finally take down whatever hindrance is holding motivation hostage. I know it's myself. I know I am my only demon.
I'm not going to pray that thing out of me though, some of it needs to stay or else I wouldn't be 100% me anymore. It just needs a good old fashioned A*! kicking to let it know that it's not running the show.
Oh that hole though. No matter what I do I have created this crater the size of the moon filled with debt. I sit below and watch it sink down more and more. Makes that monster F'ing with my motivation seem like a playful freaking kitten.
Gotta say Charlie Brown had something with his phrase, because I seem to be saying "Aaugh" a lot with my winning woes. So what do you do? Where is your next step from here?
Well when you get to that point of no return, you turn around and find your way back. It may not be the same way you came in. Buuuut sometimes a little detour could get you to the ending that was meant for your story of life.
