Helloooo, is anyone up there!?

Crap, how in the hell did I get myself here?

So this is the hole I mentioned last. You know the one the size of a crater. I keep looking for a way out of here. I scream for help, but no luck. What's even worse, the damn hole I'm in keeps getting deeper. My own fault, can't scream for a bailout when I put myself here, unless of course I was a very wealthy banker type, and that I am definitely not.

So here I am bachelors degree and all. Granted I'm doing what I went to school for, but honestly I could be making this same amount of money working at Target as a check out girl. So what do you do? I thought I was smart by waiting until I was in my late 20's to go to school...thought I would give myself time to figure it all out. So wrong. I do like being in the production world, but J'aime la photographie. And if I played it wisely and really figured out what I wanted to do I may not have this behemoth debt shadowing me right now. And with that I may have been traveling  this vast world capturing it's beauty and placing it within pages for everyone to see.

God if you all only knew what kind of debt I was in. I should have a house with this price tag rather than a piece of paper that's tucked away in my filling cabinet. I do this to myself all the time. I never look before I leap, that's why I feel in this stupid hole in the first place. Sometimes it's gets a little dark down here, then my mind gets clouded. But I shake myself out of it and look up for a foot hold again. Still haven't found one though.

You know you get used to living a certain way to. I have always been able to spend those little Benjamin's on whatever I wanted in the past...oooohhhh that is such a cute shirt and those pants would look great with that. Those days are just about over. I'm happy when I find that I have enough money to fuel my Earth executioner and get some groceries.

So my story ends with a  warning to others so they may watch where they are walking. And although taking leaps can be fun, just be sure that you have a ladder close by to help you out when you do ascend into whatever dark hole you find.

Returning From Your Breaking Point

{On a ledge somewhere between my sanity and what could very well be my insanity}

Wow, what a view... You look back at what you have done and it is such a trip to see where you have gone, what you have learned, and better yet seen.

You wonder "what if" a lot, even if your direction is not so bad.
You look at yourself in the mirror more than before and see a different person on the outside and inside. She's now a  little bit more harsh in her demeanor, a little more cynical, a little more mouthy. Stress is written all over her face and is wearing on her body. Man, where did this person come from?

You know you beat yourself up to try and do better for you. Trying to improve your wisdom with books or computer programs Trying to get yourself out of bed early to sculpt your body back to a similar but younger version of you. But as always you begin these things and very soon after get bored and let them redress themselves with cobwebs.

I so want to provoke that inner me. Ya  know pass her the weapon that will finally take down whatever hindrance is holding  motivation hostage.  I know it's myself. I know I am my only demon.

I'm not going to pray that thing out of me though, some of it needs to stay or else I wouldn't be 100% me anymore. It just needs a good old fashioned A*! kicking to let it know that it's not running the show.

Oh that hole though. No matter what I do I have created this crater the size of the moon filled with debt. I sit below and watch it sink down more and more. Makes that monster F'ing with my motivation seem like a playful freaking kitten.

Gotta say Charlie Brown had something with his phrase, because I seem to be saying "Aaugh" a lot with my winning woes.  So what do you do? Where is your next step from here?

Well when you get to that point of no return, you turn around and find your way back. It may not be the same way you came in. Buuuut sometimes a little detour could get you to the ending that was meant for your story of life.